As much as I want “dates’ and to be “dating” a nice jewish man, I have to take those expectations off the table. I am NOT going to meet my husband through an online ad. I am just going to keep meeting men who I would have never met otherwise. People who live hours away from me, who have values that differ greatly, who are jewishly very different, who aren’t physically my type.
I am now learning social skills. Because someday I will have a husband–who I met through an introduction of mutual friends, at the oneg, who is the brother of a friend, who sits next to me at a diner and uses all the cream. Oh wait–we didn’t have chemistry either.
Someday that husband will have a business dinner or family function or reunion that I, as his wife, will attend. I will then be called upon to talk to whomever I sit next to. Colleagues, old college buddies, an aunt, a stranger. I will have to sit at a table and have a pleasant (not terribly controversial), witty, engaging conversation with them. Since we are at a dinner and are married and live with each other, to talk to each other all night might be rude. So I have to get over my shy self and have conversations with strangers.
That is my new expectation of my dates. I’m not finding my husband on craigslist, but I am tapping into and refining social skills.