Show me the SNICKERS!

I guess that could mean two things. First–show me the Snickers Candy Bar. Yesterday at Target I checked every endcap with chocolate and there were no Snickers bars. I got peanut M&Ms instead. Today at Dominick’s, there were no Snickers bars. While I didn’t check every aisle, there was too much traffic for that, my aisle had a big empty box.

So to the Snickers distributor in Chicago I say, “Show me the Snickers!”

I am also going to say, “Show me the snickers” to the women of Hadassa on March 18. I’m really going to do it. I’m going to try and make an group of Israelis laugh for 20 minutes for Purim. I’m hoping that I do something histerical while I’m in Israel to tell them. I can’t imagine what that would be, but I’m sure I’m capable of f-ing up royally while I’m there.

Ronnie and I talked about what I can say. His advice was to do my one woman show with some conversion stuff dropped in. I’m not sure that will work, so I’m going to try writing twenty new minutes of Purim jokes and pray that the Israelis show me the snickers. We talked about some of my faux paus this year. Like when I read in the Hagadah that you should recline during the seder. I called him, “What does this mean? Am I going to be lying on the floor?” “No,” he assured me, “Nobody actually does that.” Then I got an email from Sarah saying, “Keep in mind, we’ll be sitting on the floor, so dress appropriately.”

Or when I texted him and bragged that I’d learned the hebrew alef bet from “Alef to Zayin.” Which is equal to saying “from A to E.” Because Zayin is not the last letter (although is the last letter learned in the book I used) it is the fifth or something.

Or when I freaked out about having to buy a new toothbrush to go to Mikvah.

Or when I was standing in the middle of a Jewel during Passover and didn’t know what to buy, so I called Ronnie and he talked me around the store buying things that would be Kosher for Passover.

Or about when I was first learning the prayers and only knew “baruch atah adonai, elohaynu melech….” and then would mumble Chef Boyardee, Butterfly, and other long words that would make my lips look like they knew hebrew.

Or the nightmares I had before Yom Kippur when I was compusively eating and then telling myself, “It’s Yom Kippur, you are fasting.”

Or the nightmare I had before Rosh Hashanah about baking bad challah. (kind of extra funny, because a number of people in the room were at Ronnie’s Rosh Hashanah dinner and have had my challah.)

Another something just slipped my mind… Anyone remember any other funny mistakes this past year?

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