Resolutions and stuff

I’m a bit late to this party, since it is the 12th of January already, but what about my resolutions? Goals? Stretch goals? Habits to change? for 2008… what about those?

I got together with some girlfriends earlier this week to make collages the night of the new moon. This new moon was supposed to be a good mojo and very powerful one, so we wanted to make it count. Each of us brought some magazines and catalogs, scissors and glue. A glass of wine in one hand and scissors in the other, we chatted, ripped, and later glued.

I felt compelled to pull out a journal I kept at the turn of the century (hee hee, 1999-2000) and put my collage there. Perhaps I’m at another turning point like the years in Colorado were for me. Or I wanted to make the $20 that I spent almost ten years ago count. Anyway, it is a nice, big SARK journal and had plenty of empty space for collaging.

Empty space I didn’t really need. My collage for 2008 is actually pretty sparce. In the past I had piles of photos of MacBooks (got it) and beds with perfect linens (got it) and a man to dance with and love. In the past my collages have focused much more on love, perfect romantic love. Full of sheer curtains, beaches, benches and rumpled sheets.

Not this year. Of course there is some romance on the page, just different than in the past. And the biggest image is actually for me–a bottle of Chanel #5. That’s what I consider to be my scent, but I haven’t worn it in about a year. Maybe I’d feel better if I stepped out of cloud of perfume in the morning.

On the facing page, I have my career collage. It includes a brunette at a MacBook and the words “Lessons from the Blog.” It also includes a pear dessert that kept catching my eye and I finally decided to just take it. But in the middle of the page? A huge blank space. I couldn’t find anything to fill it.

It is possible that this is going to be another year of no decision. Not a year of indecision, but no decision. A la the fiscal year of 03-04, when I wound up in London. A year of not forcing my life into boxes of should. I’m not really sure what happens this year or what I want to have happen.

Of course, I want to write my novel. Who doesn’t? I want to exercise. Who doesn’t? And feel good in my body, no matter the size, but preferably a smaller size. WHO DOESN’T?

I want to get up without an alarm clock and keep my house clean and throw fabulous parties and meet more people who I can introduce to more people.

You know, all the normal stuff.

I’m not depressed anymore, not like I was in the fall. I feel like I’m in a raft and following the current a little more than I have in the past. We’ll see what happens this year. I hope good things. I know good things, but I haven’t a clue what those good things will be.

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