(not) Good with ambiguity

I’m very overwhelmed this week. A number of deadlines at the end of the week and other things that I’m waiting to have clear up. It’s like knowing that a rainbow is coming, you can feel it, and being anxious that the skies are still cloudy and the sun isn’t out.

I know a rainbow is coming. I know it.

I’m very impatient for it. I said to her that despite what I thought I knew about myself, I apparently don’t do well with ambiguity. She thought the opposite was true.

I just want to get through the week. For the rest of the week, I’m putting my heart in a sturdy box filled with soft padding, locking it up tight and focusing on my Hebrew. That’s the image I keep seeing, but I want the padding to be down and then I think, “feathers would get all over a heart, so maybe first put your heart in a ziploc baggie.”

Come on! A heart in a Ziploc baggie on a bed of feathers in a sturdy box. That’s just weird. I need to go back to visualizing the heart as I knew it in third grade, not as an actual beating thing, but as an idea. So I want to put the IDEA of a heart in a soft bed of feathers in a sturdy box.

And I keep saying sturdy, cause I don’t want to lock it away, just protect it some. I think this week is going to knock it around a little and I don’t feel like crying. No… I’d rather giggle over the thought of a heart with feathers sticking to it, trying to brush the feathers off with the aorta or something.

Now I’m laughing. That’s better.

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