Lately

I just got home from a haircut and massage. The massage was a last minute add, I called my salon at 9:30 to see if I could squeeze in a massage in the hour before or hour after my haircut. Lucky for me, this was possible and I got my first deep tissue massage. Apparently, I’ve only ever had relaxation massages and not deep tissue. This hurt, but it hurt in a good way. There was no chance in hell that I was going to fall asleep, but I think in the long run it will help.

I went because after a week on the road that included about 20 hours in planes and airports, 4 hours on a train, 4 hours in a car, and beds that weren’t mine… my back crapped out on me. A massage would help and help I hope it does. This guy pushed and pulled my limbs all around my body, dug deep around each and every vertebre, found muscles that I didn’t know connected to each other and pummeled me into submission.

The only part of my body that I absolutely can’t stand having touched is the front of my neck. This is the spot that makes me squirm and scrunch and happened during the last facial I had and this massage. This time I realized it might be related (new age, woo woo alert) to my throat chakra. My throat chakra is sometimes the only one I have open and lately, I think, even it has been closed down. I have been rather shut down for the last month or so.

While he wasn’t doing reiki, I have no doubt that some chakras got dusted off and opened up this morning. Good thing, right? Always a good thing. Although as I sit here typing, it makes me want to cry and I’m not even sad today, I promise.

***

Last night I had a very vivid dream, one so strong it woke me up. I was relieved to be awake and ready to start my day until I looked at my clock. Midnight. Fuck. In the dream I had a knock-down, drag-out, all emotions on the table argument and resolution with someone. Someone who, in real life, I have not had this conversation with, but instead we drifted of into silence. While I want to talk to him, I can’t tell if I want to talk to him out of habit or out of something real to say. I have no burning words left, little investment left… but perhaps the investment is just sort of freeze-dried and the tiniest bit of water and attention would cause it to grow. I don’t know. I think I just squashed every emotion into a tiny little box and put it onto an emotional vault, because that is easier than talking about it.

***

Thoughts about Germany.

Men seem way more into being fathers there. Every man on the Muhlenkamp was wearing a baby or pushing the stroller, while he held hands with his wife. The playground was chock full of 2 and 3 year-olds being watched by coffee drinking parents or grandparents.

The cafes all provided blankets for people who wanted to sit outside with their meal. It wasn’t quite warm enough to be outside, but after a long and rainy winter, I can see why every German was ready to wrap up in a fleece blanket and get some fresh air.

Of course the German passport control made me think about the Holocaust. How can a Jew be in Germany and not think about the Holocaust? Of course nobody I met with was old enough to have been involved in the Shoa. Hell, very few people I met were even old enough to have a parent who was involved with the Shoa. But still, I thought about it. When I landed in Germany I said the Shehechyanu, a prayer of thanksgiving for things you do for the first time.

Every beer was poured with patience, even when all 12 of us would order at the same time. I only knew that Guiness should be poured with any care, now I know that I’m missing out with every beer I order in the U.S.

The hotel breakfast in Germany reminded me of the breakfast in Israel. Then I remembered that Jews fled Germany and went to Israel, so of course a breakfast in Israel would have something in common with breakfast in Germany. The cheese and bread selection, of course, and even cucumbers and tomatoes on the buffet. The pork, however, not so Israeli.

Our meeting was hyper-connected. We each had our laptops out and at some point during the meeting, I got a Twitter, a text message, an IM, a Facebook message or an email from someone else in the room. We might have looked quiet and attentive, but the electronic chatter in the room was deafening. And cool. Super cool.

***

Tonight I’m doing stand-up comedy for the first time in ages, since March 2006 when I did it for the Israeli Hadassah chapter. Some material is from then, some is new and some is very very old. I also wrote two sketches for the show, which turned out to be quite funny.

***

I occasionally have thoughts during a massage or reiki that I know I need to take action on. Some of the things I thought about this time were…

  1. It’s time to start outreach for the Discovery Weekend at OSRUI.
  2. I should do yoga.
  3. She recognized me because I’m almost as fat now, as I was when I was doing stand-up. Must lose weight.
  4. I’m ready for a boyfriend. As Steve said, “I don’t want someone to go out with, I want someone to stay in with.”
  5. OH MY GOD THAT FUCKING HURTS!
  6. It’s time to start working on your novel in earnest.
  7. Maybe you should go back to reiki before your birthday.

***

An uncle of mine is in the VA hospital in Arizona and in his final days. He’s only 59, but Agent Orange is taking it’s toll on his body. Yes, decades after he was a young man in Vietnam, he’s dying very young from the war. Please pray that he has an easy passing, his organs will fail soon…

***

I found out that a mentor from Fort Lewis College, Sandy, has a very rare form of cancer. She has a great oncology team, but it’s a hard one to fight. Pray that she fights and survives.

***

Yesterday my sister and I spoke at the Illinois Governor’s Conference on Tourism. Okay, she spoke and I moderated the panel that she was on with Mark Sedenquist from RoadTrip America and Lauren Viera from the Chicago Tribune. In a funny stroke o, “I think I know you,” Lauren and I realized that we used to volunteer together at East Village.

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