PSA: This watch that my girlfriend gave me

Once upon a time, I was a stand-up comic. There was a guy on the circuit at the same time named Jay. Very tall, with a special way of embracing the bombing joke that most of us couldn’t muster. The one joke of his I remember is talking about how annoying it is when people work into conversation that they have a significant other.

Person 1: What time is it?

Person 2: This watch that my girlfriend gave me says it is 11am.

I’m here to speak in support of just this thing: the necessity of working into a conversation that you have a girlfriend, wife, fiance or partner of some sort that would take you out my dating pool. Let’s do some role playing.

If I say, “I like your shirt.” You could say, “Thanks, my wife picked it out for me/hates it.”

If I say, “I might get the chicken salad.” You could say, “My girlfriend recommends the cheeseburger.”

If I say, “Where was your last vacation?” You could say, “My fiance and I just got back from Guam.”

The deal with this is if I was interested in you, I will note that you are attached and therefore I should put you in the “No” column. If I wasn’t interested in you, I will put you in the “Not for my single friends” column.

It will save all of us some drama, hullaballo and hurt feelings later down the road when I meet your previously unknown to me girlfriend, wife, fiance, or significant other.

Also, men, wear your damn wedding rings.

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